So. There is a distinct possibility at this point that I could be coming home in January of next year, only to come back to Scotland. There's a commitment I need to decide whether or not to make and it's been pretty difficult. Commitments are never easy but the potential awards can't be valued... so what is does one do?
There's also a very good possibility that due to some friendly mates, I could head over to Australia for a couple years. Manual labour but guaranteed good times.
Then, and not least, there's Vancouver.
I tend to hold onto decisions until finally I realize that I've already made my mind up from the very start... but here, where I stand right now, there is no way to tell.
I am in the pursuit of happiness... and oh, what a ride it has been. I would never limit myself to a set plan - I packed up and headed for Edinburgh without any clue about a job, no friends, and no idea about the culture/people; however, I can certainly say that was the way to go. No expectation made me vulnerable, and willing to rely on myself to get me by. No group of friends to pick me up when I fell down or supportive answers of re-assurance to float my boat. When reality hit, it hit hard, and I came to know who I am now. Let me say that I was surprised at the capabilities I hold. Having said that, I know that coming home... I'm not the same person. I can genuinely admit that Vancouver, in all it's glory, is not my home.
It may be that I'm in some funk or just that everything is new and exciting so I want to cling on, but, I don't believe that.
I love my mum, my brother, my close family and all those who stuck around when times got tough. I love the Dickaus; the emails and encouragement are limitless. If I could pack you all up and take you with me, I would. I know I can't and so it's up to me to deal with the space and time that passes. BUT, I want this. I want to be out here, over there and everywhere.
I know blogging isn't regular, and I apologize. I read every email yet I don't get back. I do apologize. There is a lot beyond my control going on, and for a control-freak like me, it's hard to find solid ground.
Love you lots,
Rae
p.s. My bestest friends are visiting me. I am such a happy little bee! xx
